By GORDON GLANTZ

GORDONVILLE – Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this national nightmare of another Donald Trump presidency.

As I struggle to understand how an individual who never worked a hard day in his life and who ducked out of Vietnam five times with phantom bone spurs can emerge a working class hero, this eulogy is about the Democratic party that is only expert at repeatedly shooting itself in the foot.

It’s the same Democratic Party that absorbed a lopsided loss in the 1972 presidential election, with Tricky Dick Nixon carrying 49 states to George McGovern’s one (Minnesota) but rose from those ashes — exemplified by having to endure the ignominy of a television telethons to raise money for itself — to elect Jimmy Carter in 1976.

Even though the pendulum swung back to the right with Ronald Reagan in 1980 and back to the left again with Bill Clinton in 1992, it shows you can reinvent yourself. Remember, before the scourge of Nixon in 1968, the Democrats owned the 60s with JFK and LBJ and important advancements in social issues like civil rights.

Trump was not only reelected, but is now positioned for complete control with all branches of government (Senate, House and Supreme Court) tucked his obnoxious overcoat designed to hide his beer gut.

There is now a steep hill to climb to again become the party of FDR and Obama, but history has shown that it is possible,

America loves a good comeback story, which is probably why a 34-time felon and serial abuser of women was just absolved in the court of common misconception.

Before Barack Obama burst onto the scene in 2008, there was the disheartening election of 2004. George W. Bush had ignored warnings prior to 9/11 and displaced his aggression by making the response more about Iraq and less about the Taliban in Afghanistan.

Meanwhile, as poor kids were fighting the rich man’s war on two fronts, tax cuts were dulled out to the wealthy, screwing up the economy.

The Democrats seemed to have the ideal cure to this scourge in a Vietnam War hero, John Kerry, but that was turned around fast by a disinformation campaign.

While Bush had a soft military record (although a Red Beret, compared to Trump), Kerry commanded a Swift boat during a tour in Vietnam, a rarity for a Yale graduate. He earned thee Purple Heart Medals, a Sliver Star Medal and the Bronze Star Medal.

Gotcha now, right?

Wrong.

By the GOP Convention of 2004, he was openly mocked about his service and about a few issues he had dared to change his mind about, and we all know that nuanced thinking is viewed as weakness by the right.

The crowd had props as well: Flip-flops with Kerry’s face on them. Whenever he was lambasted by a speaker, they chanted “”Flip Flop” and waived these flip flops in the air.

Sounds juvenile, but in he kangaroo court of common opinion, he was doomed to ultimate defeat (even with Bruce Springsteen and R.E.M. on his side).

Fast forward to the current election, where vice president Kamala Harris had to take over the candidate for aging Joe Biden, I remembered these antics and wondered why Democrats couldn’t rip a page from that playbook of lowdown trick plays.

While there were inspiring speeches from the stage, there was not enough sheer hostility.

I know all about Michelle Obama’s “when they go low, we go high” message, but the messaging needed some updating.

Remember when Trump grudgingly visited Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria and proceeded to throw paper towels at people as if they were dog fetching a bone?

How about organizing games of Paper Towel Dodge Ball or Basketball, or both, on the Convention floor?

Remember hearing how we thew ketchup against the wall in a temper tantrum after realizing that he couldn’t overturn a free an fair election?

How about ketchup throwing contests.

We all know about him getting out of Vietnam altogether — five times — with phantom bone spurs.

There are veterans groups out there who are vehemently against Trump, They should have been front and center, perhaps with shirts saying “Look, Ma, No Bone Spurs.”

It sounds silly, especially to come from the more educated left, but we need to take the temperature of the country better and let it know if it is suffering from a fever (you know, like COVID, which he flat-out bungled and destroyed the robust economy he inherited from Obama).

How about telling the truth about immigration, in lieu of echoing the venom in a lesser form)?

The reality is that undocumented workers commit crimes at a lesser rate than citizens. Without them, agriculture is going to suffer.

Say that. You’re allowed.

Trump lied so much in both debates that independent fact checkers could barely keep up. Those lies should have and could have been deployed in commercials and social media almost in real time.

Were they? No, not really.

I really don’t know who was running the Harris campaign, but they should never be in national politics again.

I could go on, but you get the point. The Democratic party, my party, needs what they call a Come to Jesus Moment. And, really, it needs to stop being all things to all people. Define a simple message and stick to it. Find an ideal candidate now, send him to the tailor and make sure he fits the suit. Send him to the barbershop and make sure he looks the part.

Going back to JFK, he looked better than a sweaty Nixon in a 1960 televised debate, the first of its kind. Those listening on radio had it scored evenly, those watching were enthralled by Kennedy’s looks and charisma.

I know a lot of women near and dear to me felt the sting of Hillary Clinton losing in 2016 and then of Harris falling this time.

While neither helped themselves with their choice of running mates. it was clear the country wasn’t ready for a woman when Clinton ran (even though she did win the popular vote, much to Trump’s chagrin) and wasn’t ready for a woman of color his time around.

The Democrats need to be a bit less PC, sorry to say. No female candidate. No gay candidate, no matter how qualified. No extremely progressive candidate talking about issues that really don’t affect the whole.

The top of the ticket needs someone like California governor or Beto O’Rourke of Texas. Although Maryland governor Wes Moore and New Jersey senator Corey Booker are beyond qualified, the Democrats might want to step away from anyone of color, even at the bottom of the ticket. for 2028.

We have dug ourselves a steep hole here, and time to start digging out starts now — and with clear heads and minds.