By GORDON GLANTZ
GORDONVILLE — By the time many of you read this, the Super Bowl between the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots will have already been played.
Nonetheless, I want to get my pre-kickoff state of mind on the record, should I lose my mind as a result of the game, which I would not be surprised will be a good one (we’ll see if I’m right about that).
For the record, I would only be disturbed if a zebra came out and crapped on the field (i.e. an official altered the outcome, either way, with a bad call). That aside. I’m not going to lose any sleep over the outcome.
That means none. As in zero.
I’ve been deprived so many beauty winks over the past nearly five decades of being a Philadelphia sports fan — and such an ardent devotee of the Eagles, in particular, to the extreme point where I really don’t even enjoy the games anymore — that I would have looked more like Brad Pitt and less like, well, me if I had been more into making model airplanes on autumn Sundays instead.
Ask me who I think will win today, and I will run in through my personal processor and come out with a New England triumph to the tune of 41-35 (give or take a few points).
I’d like to be right, but I have been known to be wrong on some rare occasions. It would uphold my status as someone who knows something about the sport beyond an excuse to drink and belch and play meaningless taproom pools to stay interested.
But I’d also like to be right for another reason. I know it means I should — and could — be burned at the stake the next time I venture out for a cheese steak, but that’s how I feel.
The reason: I would rather see the Patriots win.
That’s right, I said it.
I can hear the chorus now: B-B-But Falcons’ quarterback Matt Ryan is a local boy.
Yeah, I know. Don’t care.
He is not from Northeast Philly, let alone an alum of Northeast High. He is not from my adopted home ‘hood of Central Montgomery County and did not play for one the schools I covered in my long sports-journalism career.
And he did not stay home and play college ball at Temple, instead going to Boston College.
Ryan is from Exton and played scholastically at Penn Charter (eye roll … like that is a common occurrence … second eye roll … for normal kids paying their own way).
May as well be from Mars and have played on Neptune before going to Jupiter for college ball.
Next, you’ll say: B-B-But it will be someone different, another team winning for a change.
Keep talking, and then keep walking.
Not gonna work here in Gordonville.
If the Falcons win today, they will be something like the eighth team (no, I’m not looking it up to verify!) — just since Jeffrey Lurie has owned the Eagles — to win their franchise’s first Super Bowl while we wait in line.
In many cases, these are rent-a-franchises without histories dating back to the earliest days of pro football.
Talking about Tampa Bay and Carolina.
One more for the winner’s circle?
And don’t try to get political, saying our newly elected dictator’s favorite team is the Patriots.
Sports is the one place where politics and other things that divide us are usually put to the side.
And given the rise of anti-Semitic acts since a certain someone was elected on what I see as an arcane technicality (the electoral college), it would be a strong message — for those who dare to comprehend it — to witness said “president” hanging with Patriots’ Jewish owner Robert Kraft.
Yes, the Falcons have a Jewish owner, too, in Arthur Blank.
The fact is that there probably more Jewish owners in the NFL than there are Jewish players.
And yet, two of those players — Julian Edelman and Nate Ebner — are not only rostered with the Patriots, but are pretty good. Edelman is the favorite target of Tom Brady and Ebner is an All-Pro special teams guy.
A win will make the Patriots the top dynasty of the league’s Super Bowl era and Tom Brady the Super Bowl quarterback with the most wins (which may get him to retire). Sports doesn’t have enough dynasties anymore, so that’s fine.
I’ve seen them celebrate before, including beating the Eagles in my presence. I am numb to that pain.
A new team? A “somebody else for a change” team? Can’t stomach the idea.
Let it be us, or no one at all.
That’s about enough to give me a rooting interest, and while having me still sleep like a baby — and dreaming that recurring dream of the Eagles winning it all — this Sunday night.