Hiding Among The White ‘Right’

By GORDON GLANTZ

GORDONVILLE — Why do we have Black History Month?

Going all the way back to sixth grade, when my teacher made it part of the curriculum in February (long before it was a “thing”), it was fairly clear why.

It was because the other 11 months were for White History.

And this is the stone ages, the 1970s, so even the likes of Christopher Columbus were painted in a positive light.

Here in Gordonville, we chose to honor Black History Month largely though music appreciation. That meant posting songs on Facebook, with a heavy – but not sole – focus on the Sound of Philadelphia that started in the 1960s and hit its apex in the ensuing decade.

Now, in March (the month of all the cool birthdays), it is Women’s History Month. Press rewind and play again, only with many songs by female artists – in all genres (folk, rock, country, etc.) – that have formed the soundtrack of our lives.

However, in some circles, is not Women’s History Month.

The alternate universe where the likes of QAnon is reality and reality is fantasy has declared this White History Month.

How do I know?

Because I have been dispatched behind enemy lines on a dual spy missions, where I have access to the twisted thoughts of those on the far right.

It was here, behind these enemy lines, that what they call White History Month begins. Interestingly enough, this unnamed Facebook group posted about Albert Einstein. While exalting the genius for being a genius, there is zero mention of his ethnicity and why he escaped from Germany before World War II.

I guess that wouldn’t fit the narrative, would it?

Next post was none other than Elvis Presley. No mention that Elvis, himself, credited the influence of black music on his own or that one of his primary songwriters, Otis Blackwell, wrote major hits — “Don’t Be Cruel” and “All Shook Up” and “Return To Sender” for the “King.”

It’s also ironic they would choose to herald an immigrant, albeit one for who a visa was named for what seems to be white Europeans (including a future First Lady).

But that’s not all of the nonsense I’m seeing and, thus, subsequently filing in my first report from behind enemy lines.

The funny thing here is that they invited me, albeit with the following hollow warning: “We are a family of Proud Americans that want to keep our country as a free country, not a socialist country – We also believe that this election was stolen from President Trump. (IF) you don’t believe in these two items mentioned above then you aren’t welcome in our family of THE PATRIOTS – SO DONT EVEN THINK OF JOINING …”

Oh, I was soooo scared that I altered my appearance, wearing a MAGA hat and overalls and toted a fake AK-47, and made it across their checkpoint with no issues.

My quiver quake barely registered on the Richter Scale.

Here I am, reading posts for “sheeple” such as the billboards from Liberty Arms, the Walmart of firearms, reminding the easily swayed that cult leader Jim Jones killed 919 people with Kool-Aid (I think guns have still killed way more people than Kool-Aid). They also say not to feel stupid because people actually voted for Elizabeth Warren (at least they didn’t call her Pocahantas).

And on it goes.

Anger over Dr. Seuss and Mr. Potato Head, jokes about the fence around D.C. needing a padlock so it can be called a zoo.

Then, there was this nugget of a post, of which I will cut through the poor grammar and paraphrase. The basic claims are they never cared about anyone else’s race, sexual orientation, place of birth or political beliefs until they were thrown into their faces and sought to “erase my history and blame my ancestors.”

That’s kind of a revelation and admission of guilty behavior on so many levels, and we are not even getting into the real horrors of White History, which would take way more than a month.

But, wait, there is more …

I have also found myself on email lists of some right-wing groups, including one for a gubernatorial candidate for governor who is looking to follow in her ‘ol pappy’s footsteps (although he could give her some dieting tips, from the looks of it).

We already from when she was the mouthpiece for your ex-president (not mine), that she puts down the cream puffs long enough to sing the party song with no capacity for original thoughts.

Beyond that, she is not worth much more time.

I have also started getting missives from another female politician, a former governor and ambassador to the U.N., with presidential aspirations. Because she needs to separate herself from your ex-president (not mine), she has tried to distance herself from some of the craziness.

But, judging from these emails, that doesn’t make her sane.

This is how bad it is, when only being half-nuts makes you normal.

The other outlets that thinks I’m one of them? Yikes.

Since I get about 16 right-wing emails per day, I’ll just provide some of the greatest mishits and foul tips (plus, my bosses have declared some information as classified).

While I couldn’t find anyone shed half a teardrop for Rush Limbaugh, he is martyred for “rewriting the playbook on cancel culture (fancy term for political correctness).”

Along the same lines, the CPAC speech of your ex-president (not mine) is lauded for sending a “strong message.”

While they continually question Pres. Joe Biden’s mental vacuity, and paint him as a puppet, they warn against some master plan of his to turn us socialist.

And then we have the case for “so-called” hate crimes – the foundation of White History – being covered by freedom of speech.

Have a good month, and send your “hopes and prayers” that I don’t get my liberal ass busted.

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