By GORDON GLANTZ
GORDONVILLE – Hey, science experts with your mail-order degrees from Limbaugh Community College, I suppose this polar vortex anomaly has you convinced that Global Warming/Climate Change is part of a liberal conspiracy to divert funds from defense of our alleged fight for freedom to the perceived inane practice of tree hugging.
I’m not going to get into the foolishness of dragging out that one crackpot out of 1,000 who helps you make this a political wedge issue that helps you sleep tighter with your Dick Cheney stuffed toys.
I’m not going raise the hard fact that the supposedly left-leaning mainstream media actually gives your theory credence by letting these guys babble from their underground bunkers in a 50-50 shot to make some semblance of sense against a Nobel-level scientist who has actually been to the North Pole more times than he has to North Carolina.
I’m not going to remind that if you look hard enough you can find a fraud — with a title — to tell you:
-The stork brings the baby.
-The earth is actually flat.
-Dinosaurs witnessed the birth of Jesus.
-Gravity is still just a theory.
I’m not going there – even though I just did.
I just wanted to let you in on a little bitty secret.
Being a little coldy-pooh in your world doesn’t mean it is the same everywhere.
Right now, as he shovel snow and dress in layers, it is so hot in Australia that kangaroos are dropping dead in their tracks and bats are falling from the sky.
It just so happens that the western half of the continental United States and Canada – along with Alaska, the bridge-to-nowhere state from which Russia can be seen – is mired in a counter-productive heat wave.
I know this thought – one that includes the notion that the earth, sun and moon don’t revolve around you and where you are – may blow your mind.
It’s a rough job, but that’s what I’m here for.
But I have compassion (I am liberal, after all).
I will leave you with this thought that will to make you warmer than a cup of your Grammy’s homemade hot cocoa.
Nine of the last years, including 2013, are the warmest on record since 1880.
So go tell all the Al Gore jokes you want.
The joke is on us.